Urban Nature

Today we'll be taking a look at that fascinating creature Artesano Municipalis or, as it''s better known, the common council workman. Once a frequent visitor to housing estates all over the country, this charming little creature, distintive in its coat of bright green or yellow fluorescent polyurethane, is now an endangered species, thanks to budgetary cutbacks and global warming. The workman is a sociable animal which prefers to hunt in twos and threes and can often be seen standing staring into holes scratching its head, sometimes with a clipboard tucked jauntily under an arm.The workman is ill-equipped to deal with difficult weather conditions however, and the first drops of rain will see it scuttling back to it's burrow, or 'van' in search of tea, its staple diet, or to take refuge in its colourful bedding, dailymirror, which it collects daily, as the name implies and from which it clearly derives much warmth and security. The workman is naturally shy of contact with humans, or 'tenants' as it calls them, and tries to spend as little time near them as possible, although if you are patient it may take a biscuit from your hand. The workman's primary occupation is trying to mend things, or 'bodging', and it really is charming to watch as it wanders around, apparently aimlessly, clutching bits of wood and tools, trying to work out what to do with them Mention must also be made here of the workman's unusual headgear, the apparently pointless 'hardhat', which appears to have some part to play in the workman's cognitive processes, although so far researchers have been unable to find any concrete evidence. Finally, we must consider the workman's manner of reproduction and, since no mating ritual has ever been observed, we can only conclude that all workmen are cloned asexually from the original proto-workman, provisionally known as 'Doug'.